Think Like a White Man: Conquering the World . . . While Black by Boulé Whytelaw III & Nels Abbey

Author:Boulé Whytelaw III & Nels Abbey [Whytelaw, Boulé III & Abbey, Nels]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Humor, Topic, Politics, Business & Professional, Non-Fiction, Political Science, Social Science, Popular Culture, Sociology
ISBN: 9781786894397
Google: jTZUDwAAQBAJ
Amazon: B07BVHXSK4
Publisher: Canongate Books
Published: 2019-05-15T23:00:00+00:00

• Where there is a bakery there is flour.

• Where there are black people there is creativity.

• Where there are white people there is racism.

• Where there is smoke … there is weed.

• Where there is success there is persistence in the face of failure.

• Where there is monogamy there is hypocrisy, dishonesty and infidelity.

There is no greater indicator of human dishonesty than monogamy.

Monogamy is a man-made structure. A White-Man-made structure to be precise (and almost totally without probable factual merit). It largely complies with property rights and supposedly aids the development and advancement of a stable society, i.e. a society ripe for White Men to take full advantage of. Polygamy, for all the bad publicity it has received in recent millennia, is certainly more natural. But as monogamy is the flavour of the month, man has to deceive both himself and everyone else that he or she only has eyes for their significant other. Laughably untrue, but the game is the game. Man is only really as ‘faithful’ as his opportunities present. The more he can get away with, the more he’ll do.

When you peel the onion layers of a monogamist back, what you’ll find is a liar, a bullshitter, a conformer, a people pleaser, a ball of pent-up sexual frustration … an actor portraying a faithful spouse.

Even the most ‘I’ve been happily married for 217 years’ white man and White Man alike still have a need to feel desired. To feel sexually relevant outside his or her past-their-sell-by-date partner. So, when that exotic (i.e. dark-skinned) sex bomb in the office starts to show him or her a little extracurricular attention – the odd flirty eye batting, the saucy joke, the suggestive leaning over at their desk with a micro twerk thrown in for good measure, the slow dance at the Christmas party – it is often more than enough to keep his/ her lame old heart racing.

Even if they are ardent, full-blown Make America Great Again cap-wearing white supremacists, the fact that you’re black will probably more than blow their mind.12 Blow their load. And they need that. They need that to keep going. They love their spouses and families and probably (hopefully) won’t leave them for you – thank God – but they need that pretty young ‘exotic’ thing in the office to keep them feeling good about themselves. Keeps that trick feeling like a man or woman.

Rees-Mogg and his ilk may well fly their red, white and blue rags of choice at the little tiki-torch Brexit rally but they will tearfully bow before the mighty revolutionary but gangsta red, black and green flag of pan Africanist unity in the bedroom. Racism shuts down on the mattress and reboots on the floor right beside it.

Back to you. You, my black friend, are going to be objectified. Might as well get praised, promoted and paid at the same time. Like a pimp, you want to make the money, but unlike a hoe, you’re not willing to sell/have sex (I hope).

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